Kait Payne

When did we all become so entitled?

Sun, 22 Jul 2012 01:30:11 -0500

A lesson in humility would serve us all well. I can’t comprehend what it feels like to be anybody but me… sometimes it’s hard to put others in front of myself, namely because taking care of myself emotionally and physically will always be my animal instinct, ego aside. Sometimes I am unaware of what I could be doing to better serve others, and sometimes I do a really great job of catering to other peoples’ needs.

I am extremely bothered lately, though, by the overwhelming abundance of arrogance and entitlement that I see all around me. Yes, I am arrogant far too often, too, I know. That said, I feel like my subconscious has been on a little internal soapbox about the issue lately, and I don’t really know what to do with it aside from let the frustration fester (not worth it). What makes anyone think that they are better or more worthy than another human being? I. don’t. understand.

I wish people cared more about being kind and respectful. I wish that saying “You are being unkind and you are not acting out of love” prompted change in a mother berating her young child or in an elementary school bully or in a couple who accepts violence as a social norm.

Who decided that it was okay to cheat on schoolwork or take undue advantage of systems and processes set in place to help those who need them or take credit for a job that you did not do? Because it’s not okay at all and some people think it is.

ALSO, while I’m on a roll, my knee really hurts and I don’t know why and I want to know what causes all these mystery pains because they don’t make sense.

I needed to get all of that out of my system, but, to be clear, things are great overall. Really, really great. :)

I wish I could dictate my writing to someone else, but then it would just be my thinking.

Tue, 26 Jun 2012 16:25:00 -0500

I keep a real journal at home. Not the kind where you go on and on about your feelings or talk about the weather or anything… just the kind that I write in every couple of months or so to jot down what has been happening in my life and mostly praise God for getting me successfully through another few weeks so I don’t forget how lucky I am.

Sometimes, (and this is one of those times), I have so much going on that by the time I get through writing about one little thing in my journal, I’ve forgotten the other eleven things I meant to write about. I had a high school science teacher tell me once that I should learn to take notes in cursive because I write very slowly, and I think she was right. Turns out I write slowly in cursive, too. And even though I type significantly faster, I still type with a grand total of two index fingers and a ring finger specifically assigned to the “return” key. I’m forever destined to be slow, I guess.

Anyway, here are some things:

1. I’m sitting in my office because my laptop backlight is broken and I can only use it when it’s hooked up to a monitor with a zillion cables… I don’t feel like plugging them back in tomorrow morning so I thought I’d just write this here and leave my stuff at work. I think they’re doing construction down the hall because it sounds like the walls are going to crash in at any moment.

2. I posted a note on Facebook last November about how I was going to see an old friend back in Marietta who I hadn’t seen in almost 4 years and I was so excited. I have known him since I was 13 years old. That friend was a certain Andrew Creamer, and I love him.

3. I started a new job last month that I still can’t believe I got and it’s put me in the position to write an article in a magazine that will end with “Kait Payne, Editor-in-Chief”, which is just crazy.

4. In less than eight days, Andrew and I will be flying out to Oregon for the grandest 8 day adventure with our friends Cara and Chris. We are backpacking through Crater Lake National Park and eating pancakes and toast with apple butter and probably having more fun than reasonable people have ever had.

5. I got to hang out with my oldest/best friend who might as well be my sister yesterday. We ate Jamaican food and laughed really hard and watched a video of a dog running in boots over and over and then I got to hold her little girl for the better part of a half hour while she cooed at me. It was the greatest.

6. I am now quite sure that the walls are about to come crashing in on me.

Until next time!

Payoff.

Thu, 10 May 2012 20:33:54 -0500

Payoff.:

This is the fruit of the brain-labor I wrote about a few days ago. It’s my first article (of many) for PrivateJet.com as their new Director of Social Media.

I can’t believe this is actually happening.

I used my brain today.

Mon, 07 May 2012 21:52:37 -0500

When I want to know something, I look it up. I am insanely, unabashedly curious about the world around me and it’s become a joke for Andrew to ask me if I’m going to “Google it” whenever I use the phrase “I wonder…” in almost any context. I am discontent not knowing things.

That should speak for the joy I got today from spending all day learning and writing about a company that makes art. I woke up with a goal, I learned, I created, and now I have an almost 600-word article that I am proud of, and that will hopefully get me a really great job later this week. If I don’t get the job, it won’t be for lack of trying, and I’m happy with that. It felt good to feel like I was contributing to something again.

Now if only I could get my back to readjust itself, I think I would have an excellent night’s sleep. :)

firstbook: First Book wants to give away 1 MILLION BOOKS TO...

Tue, 17 Apr 2012 11:03:52 -0500

firstbook:

First Book wants to give away 1 MILLION BOOKS TO KIDS IN NEED OVER THE NEXT 10 DAYS. Here’s the catch: We want the world to know about the issue of illiteracy and how they can help us fight it. In support of our effort, we will give away a book for every “re-blog”, “retweet”, and “share” we get of this message on twitter, tumblr and facebook. Get to sharing.

Today was a growing day… the kind of day that makes you...

Wed, 11 Apr 2012 00:03:00 -0500

Today was a growing day… the kind of day that makes you realize that you’re dating someone who is just as stubborn as you. But also the kind of day that involves walks to the mailbox and banana pudding for breakfast and breakfast for lunch and talking and laughing about everything that matters and a lot of things that don’t. Walking that someone through my train of (over)thought and then shedding more than a couple tears through grateful smiles about how perfect this is.

There is so much more, but, Lord, thank You for this opportunity to grow and to love and to learn and to have someone I can hang on to and who I can trust and who loves me back one million times as much as I deserve and then some. I am incredibly blessed.

artmaps: Wooden Map of New Zealand by WoodenWords on...

Wed, 14 Mar 2012 09:02:17 -0500

artmaps:

Wooden Map of New Zealand by WoodenWords on notonthehighstreet.com

Andrew, if I was any good at making things like this, I would make it for you. :)

Day 30 – A photograph of yourself today + three good things that...

Sun, 12 Feb 2012 16:39:00 -0600

Day 30 – A photograph of yourself today + three good things that have happened in the past 30 days.

Here I am, a year and three months after I began the 30 days series that was supposed to last- well- 30 days. A lot has changed. A lot. For that reason, I’m not limiting this post to three good things that have happened in the past month. I’m just counting my blessings.

In these 15 months, I have

Started and finished the most mentally, physically, and emotionally challenging semester of school I ever attempted. (I didn’t think I would make it).
Graduated from Middle Tennessee State University with a 4-year degree in 3 1/2 years.
Stood by my family as we fought through an incredibly difficult time; we are now so much stronger and closer for it.
Learned that my oldest, dearest friend is going to be a wife and a momma so soon. She is going to have the most beautiful family that most people could only ever hope to dream of, and a sweet baby girl named Lucie Jane come May.
Made the most difficult decision of my life to walk away from something that “made sense”. I am stronger than I thought I was, and so much happier for it.
Only just begun to understand that my plan does not, can not, and will not ever compare to God’s plan for me. I am trying less and less to convince Him that mine is better.
Began to love someone harder than I ever imagined was possible.
Decided to live a little. :)

carazuri: campattitude: Dang. Okay. This shouldn’t be too hard...

Sat, 11 Feb 2012 13:52:12 -0600

carazuri:

campattitude:

Dang. Okay. This shouldn’t be too hard to make. Seriously.

summer 2012

Patience:

Thu, 02 Feb 2012 01:20:26 -0600

It’s amazing how when you begin working on something that sometimes you forget about entirely, your continuous effort makes you want it more and more. I am getting better about being patient, but the more progress I make, the more I want greater patience. It is, in many ways, an exercise of faith.

I get excited about things very, very easily. By nature, I also get over things very, very easily… which means I get let down a lot when things inevitably fail, but I get over them quickly. Those little things add up over time, though, and sometimes I am left feeling unproductive and dejected. I have been working hard to change my thinking so that instead of getting let down for small failures, I thank God for closing some doors as He makes the way to open others. I am so loved that He will work everything for my good, no matter what I think I am doing to either deserve it or fall short.

That being said, when I look forward to the weekends so much, it is hard to be patient during the week… although I feel incredibly lucky to have something so special to look forward to. :)

Day 29 – Something you could never get tired of...

Thu, 19 Jan 2012 15:55:00 -0600

Day 29 – Something you could never get tired of doing.

Exploring… I don’t think I would ever tire of exploring. While for the most part this means adventuring, hiking, backpacking, traveling to faraway places, this also includes exploring on a much smaller scale. I like exploring people and things, too. I am an incredibly curious person and I am so undeniably privileged to be able to discover new things every single day- every single minute, practically. The ability to explore and to learn is counted as such a huge blessing in my book.

Day 28- 5 things that you miss about your childhood.

Tue, 03 Jan 2012 20:26:21 -0600

Innocence. As a child, I was blind to so much of the hurt and the filth on this earth. I didn’t have the experience to know that what you see on the outside of someone doesn’t necessarily reflect what they’ve been through and what they are dealing with on the inside. It’s hard to see things from a child’s eyes now.
Nap time. This goes without saying, but nap time was so unappreciated when it was required. During summers in Maryland when I wanted to play in the kiddie pool in our back yard, Dad would tell me to go take a nap while he filled it up. I can still remember dreading having to wait to play in the pool, but, oh, what I would give now, to have someone tell me that I had to take an afternoon nap.
The days when thinking that everything was humongous. Mom and Dad were giants, I could ride bareback on dogs, the deep end of the pool might as well have been the Atlantic, and a three-foot-tall stuffed animal was perfectly proportioned for snuggling.
Having little feet. By the time I was in 6th grade, I wore a size nine and a half shoe. It was a lot easier to find shoes when I was younger.
Appreciation for copious amounts of sugar. I used to drink fruit punch out of cardboard cartons with my cafeteria lunches, and, then, it was absolutely heavenly. I tried it again at a pancake breakfast hosted by my high school band a couple years ago… that was a mistake. Either it all of a sudden became absolutely terrible or, like me, my taste buds grew up. I think my taste buds grew up. :(

carazuri: clover dreams

Sun, 01 Jan 2012 17:42:42 -0600

carazuri:

clover dreams

Day 27 – A website you frequent.

Sat, 31 Dec 2011 08:39:06 -0600

Day 27 – A website you frequent.:

Trashy? Occasionally. Hilarious? Frequently.

I spend way too much time on this website.

Day 26- Somewhere you’ve been. Yosemite is the reason I...

Fri, 30 Dec 2011 15:09:00 -0600

Day 26- Somewhere you’ve been.

Yosemite is the reason I love the outdoors as much as I do. I’d read about camping and hiking and rock climbing in faraway places since before I can remember, but until I saw this place that literally stole the words from my mind and my mouth, I never knew how beautiful it was.

I went in 2005 with my family- I was 14 years old in that picture. I will go again soon.

Day 25- Ten life goals.

Thu, 29 Dec 2011 09:25:08 -0600

1. Cage dive with Great Whites. I am captivated, fascinated, totally enchanted by them. I’m sure I would be terrified, but I also think they would be incredibly beautiful creatures to watch (from the safety of a cage).

2. Thru hike the AT or PCT.

3. Sew a quilt.

4. Learn to swing dance.

5. Complete a triathlon.

6. Know the governments and flags of each and every different country. (At one point within the last year or so I had the locations, names and capitals down pat.)

7. Speak and understand Russian fluently.

8. Learn banjo.

9. Serve others on a big mission trip of some kind.

10. Be an excellent mother and wife. Cliche, yes, but so so true. I love family dearly.

Find a movie like this and I will almost certainly love it:

Wed, 28 Dec 2011 14:21:21 -0600

A quote from a favorite book of mine:

“The moves I like best are the slow literary movies that don’t seem to be about anything and yet are about everything at the same time. They are about insecurities and sexual tension and whether the father will stop drinking. I like those movies more because I don’t have to suspend as much disbelief.”

-Donald Miller, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years

trailhikers: Under The Milky Way While I’m on a...

Wed, 28 Dec 2011 12:31:16 -0600

trailhikers:

Under The Milky Way

While I’m on a roll… this one’s for you, Andrew.

Day 24- Something that means a lot to you. My sister gave me a...

Wed, 28 Dec 2011 12:29:28 -0600

Day 24- Something that means a lot to you.

My sister gave me a ring for Christmas in 2008 that says, “Faith. LOVE. Hope. 1st Cor. 13:13”.

She doesn’t believe the things I believe. Religion is, to Kim, in many instances, obsolete. The idea of a specific faith seems to come secondary to an obsolete religion. We had never spoken on the matter before she gave me that ring.

Kim also didn’t know that 1st Corinthians 13 articulates perfectly a lot of my beliefs on my own beliefs… if that makes sense. Here’s the chapter:

“ ¹ If I speak in the tonguesof men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ² If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. ³ If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,^[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

⁸ Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. ⁹ For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰ but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. ¹¹ When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. ¹² For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

¹³ And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”

All that being said, I have worn that ring along with my promise ring every day since I got it, and there it will stay.

Installment 23.5- Something at which you wish you were more...

Wed, 28 Dec 2011 11:47:33 -0600

Installment 23.5- Something at which you wish you were more talented.